T-Shirts

The first universal remote changed everything.

When a bull charges you, cancel your credit card.

To make holy water, boil the hell out of it.

Ireland is so wealthy because its capital is Dublin.

A cow with no legs is ground beef.

Air at the gas station is no longer free because of inflation.

7 8 9 because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day.

Always train in the sun to feel the burn.

Athletes can be taken to jail for resisting a rest.

Be grateful for your fingers. You can always count on them.

Before a race, eat fast food.

Bring two pairs of pants golfing in case you get a hole in one.

Butane weighs less than water as it's a lighter fluid.

Computer scientists install Java to drink their coffee.

Don't go to the bar on the moon. There is no atmosphere.

Don't try to eat clowns. They taste funny.

Elevator jokes are funny on so many levels.

Going on an all-almond diet is just nuts.

If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, they have busted a move.

If you can eat bread, you may lack toast intolerance.

If you get attacked by a group of clowns, go for the juggler.

If you lost your sweater, check the sauna.

If you pour root beer in a squared glass, you just have beer.

If you're looking for soup, go to the stock market.