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Burglars who hide in the attic are above suspicion.
Bring two pairs of pants golfing in case you get a hole in one.
Be grateful for your fingers. You can always count on them.
7 8 9 because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day.
A cow with no legs is ground beef.
Air at the gas station is no longer free because of inflation.
Always train in the sun to feel the burn.
Athletes can be taken to jail for resisting a rest.
Before a race, eat fast food.
Butane weighs less than water as it's a lighter fluid.
'Dark' is spelled with a K because you cannot C in the dark.
Dogs may not retrieve the ball if it's far fetched.
Don't go to the bar on the moon. There is no atmosphere.
Don't try to eat clowns. They taste funny.
Elevator jokes are funny on so many levels.
Going on an all-almond diet is just nuts.
Hipsters drink their coffee before it's cool.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, they have busted a move.
If you can eat bread, you may lack toast intolerance.
If you get attacked by a group of clowns, go for the juggler.
If you pour root beer in a squared glass, you just have beer.
If you're looking for soup, go to the stock market.
If you're wearing pants on a hot summer day, cut yourself some slack.
If your boat is sick, take it to the doc.